Light

# 1 Bruny Beach, NSW Australia, July 2020

Endings, once a favourite of mine due to the connotation of wonderful new beginnings, have lost their appeal. Endings now equate to farewells, final farewells, which are never easy.

In December 2019, my soul mate devised a road trip. For forty-two years we had travelled together in many lands. The freedom of the open road never failed to refresh our spirits, rekindle our love of life or arouse the joy of exploring new places. We delighted in the majestic beauty of the earth, and cherished the journeys shared together.

This road trip will be our last. I will be scattering his ashes in eighteen locations around Australia and New Zealand. Lying in his hospital bed, Dave, my beloved, designed this trip, for him and for me. His ashes would mingle with the earth and the sea in the places he loved most, and he would take me on our last road trip, as I took him.

A gift I am most grateful for, even whilst it breaks my heart.

Dave passed away in March 2020. Not the best of years, as we have all discovered. Like his funeral, our last road trip has been cancelled, postponed, fractured into pieces, but never abandoned.

In July, when the state border of Queensland and New South Wales was briefly open, my family had our first opportunity to honour his wishes. We scattered the first of his ashes on the beach at Brunswick Heads in New South Wales, at sunset with the full moon rising over the ocean. It was beautiful and perfect.

We wrote a message of love in the sand, and red rose petals replicated the tears in our hearts. The children waved sparklers in the night air, and we called the whales – a story in itself, which is part of another of the eighteen.

A row of candles placed in the sand called our spirits to his.

The sky turned soft yellows, oranges, pinks and purples as the land darkened. The sea imbibed the soft pastel colours of the sky before both turned a deep azure blue. The evening winter breeze crispened the clear sky, as it merged with the sea. When it rose, the moon streamed golden like the rising sun, then sparkled the ocean with dancing beams of light.

The waves gently formed their own patterns in the sand, as we said our farewell.

Dave and I walked the beach at Bruny many a time (we Australians rarely use the full name of something when it can be shortened). Bruny is a beach perfect for walking. Surrounded by stunning views of Byron Bay to the south and Mount Warning to the north, it is bordered by native vegetation as it curves gently around the ocean. With a wide beach, the sand is usually flat and hard, making for easeful walking. Bruny was our favourite in all the world for beach walking.

The breeze is often soft and caressing, the sun warm and the water refreshing. The laid back atmosphere of the village enhances nature’s idyllic setting. Dolphins and whales can be seen from the breakwater. Dave had a love of breakwaters and jetties, the farther out to sea whilst still attached to land, the better.

We have walked this beach together, with our adult children, and with each of the grandchildren as they came along. We have swam and frolicked in the waves, and shared many a picnic on the beach.

This beautiful winter’s evening I shared the beach, the ocean and the waves with Dave one last time.  Now I walk the beach alone.